Friday, September 2, 2011

Rebuilding from the inside out

I have taken a little break from blogging.... even my couponing blog.  I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment, so I have needed to take a step back for a while.  I would love to say that my house is now spotless with four of the kids in public school now, but it's not.  I still have three little ones at home that can undo something as fast as I can get it done.  I am still having a hard time with the kiddos being in public school, but I still feel that it was the right decision for right now.  I don't know what the future holds, but we will face it when we get there.

Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to cover how I feel.  I have tried to balance it all for much too long.  I have tried to be everything to everyone, that I let other things slide.  The biggest thing to suffer was my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I stopped reading my Bible regularly.  When that relationship suffered, everything else in life became unbalanced.  I felt so cut off from everything.  I began to unravel.  I went into survival mode, which isn't the best place to be.  I just wanted to make it each day to bedtime with just a small amount of my sanity intact.  There was no joy in many of my days, even though I love my family and enjoy being with them.  How could I have joy when I had cut off my source of TRUE peace?!

With all of that said, I thank my Heavenly Father for loving me even with all of my major flaws.  I thank Him for His patience with me, when I had none for my family.  I thank Him for giving me the ability to know when to step back from some things I am doing, so I can begin to focus my life on rebuilding my relationship with Him.  I can't change the past, but I know who holds my future in His loving hands.  I pray for His guidance in each step I take.  I pray for wisdom in being the wife and mother He wants me to be.  I don't want my husband and children to look back and see accomplishments I have made in my life.  I do want them to look back and see God in every aspect of my life. 

Pray for me as I allow God to use me for His purpose, not my own.  Thank you to all of the family and friends whot have been there and continue to walk with me through this very trying time in my life.  Know that I love you dearly and you will always hold a very special place in my heart.

Now, I am off to climb Mt. Washmore and tackle the Clutter Monster in the livingroom.  Love ya bunches!!  Don't worry, my funny posts are not over.  The Hillians continue to provide MANY laughs that I promised to share with you all.  Right Michelle?!   

1 comment:

Linda said...

I love you, Charity! If I were there, I'd help you climb Mt Washmore. But don't despair; these climbs are temporary and you're a wonderful example to your family of the godly woman you were created to be.
Hugs and blessings,
Linda <3