First, I want to say thank you for all the prayers this week for my headache. It has been so much better. I thank God for having family and friends like you all in my life. I also want to thank you for all the offers to help out w/ the little Hillians this week. We have survived the week, even though there were a few times I thought I was gonna pull my hair out. It was a hard week without my right & left hands (Andrew & Laura) here, but I know they needed a break from all the chaos of Hill household. They deserve the time to just hang out w/ friends and have a chance to grow in the Lord w/ others their ages. I thank God we are financially able to send them to camp.
Okay, now for the deep stuff. Lissa and I had a wonderful chat on the phone yesterday. I have to say that I am blessed to have her as a sister-in-law. She can be very headstrong, but then I'm the same way. I know you are having a hard time seeing that in both of us, but just take my word for it. Anyhoo, we were talking about the kids and daily life. She made a comment... or it was more of a question about how I cope w/ all the kids and everything going on around here. Yes, I do have days where I question my sanity for having such a large family. Yes, I do have days where I am ready to pull my hair out, throw my hands in the air, and yell, "I'm done, I quit!" There are days when I really don't want to get out of bed, b/c I don't want to deal w/ the tasks that are ahead of me. I get STRESSED out... I rant... I rave... I blow my top over small stuff that really shouldn't matter... I have little patience. I'm human! Does that excuse my behavior? NO! It is during those times that I feel God tapping me on my shoulder. Is He yelling at me? No. He is standing there w/ His arms wide open, waiting for me to stop trying to control things and to put my trust in Him. It is when I am the most stressed out that I can stop and see that I am trying to move Him out of the driver's seat so I can take control.
I have felt so bad this week. I have had my crying spells. My emotions have been all over the place. Yes Lissa, I have THOSE days. I have been so upset w/ Mike, b/c he left for work w/o kissing me goodbye. Well, I went into our room w/ Luke, so he probably thought I was trying to get him to sleep... even though I was only taking a quick potty break before putting Luke in his own bed to take a nap. He knows how frustrated I get when I'm trying to get Luke down for a nap and someone comes into the room or calls. I was so short w/ him earlier that I wouldn't blame him if he just left for work b/c he didn't want the attitude. But then he called later that evening to check on us. And of course, my cold heart melted. I am so blessed. Mike has rode the pregnancy hormone rollercoaster w/ me many times. I have to remind myself that Mike faces his own frustrations and stresses. He supports our growing family by himself. He gets up every day to work these crazy shifts just so that I can be home w/ our kids. He keeps things fun around here, so the kids aren't stuck w/ old serious Mama all the time. Mike needs me to be there to help him as much as I need him. I am trying to stop when I get so frustrated w/ him, and instead of blowing my top, to say a prayer for him.
I have been second guessing whether I should post this or not. You guys really will think I'm crazy now. But then, I don't ever want someone to think that I'm something that I'm not. I deal w/ the same things other moms deal w/ each day. I just have a bigger crew at home. I am far from being the perfect wife or the perfect mother or most important perfect child of God. He has to get my attention all the time for things that I know better than to do or say. There are so many days that I have to go outside and pray for His help when things aren't running smoothly. The kids probably think I'm talking to myself when I'm hanging out clothes on the line, but I'm praying. I'm praying for strength, understanding, patience, endurance, and peace. Please continue to pray for me that I will be the child of God, wife, and mother that He wants me to be.
Love y'all bunches!