Saturday, August 21, 2010

Excited and sad at the same time.

This week has brought a few changes for my littlest man, Jonathan.  He has started crawling, even if it is still at a snail's pace.  He has also started pulling up on things and sitting himself up.  Yes, I am excited to see all of these accomplishments he is making.  But it also breaks my heart.  This will be the last time I get to experience these milestones.  Yes, I know I have been blessed to experience them 7 times, but I wasn't ready to close the book on this chapter of my life.  Before I know it, there will be no tiny ones running around the house wreaking havoc on our days.  No more messy kisses after a spaghetti meal. 
I am praying that God will help me through this time in my life.  I want Him to lead me in enjoying the simple things of our little ones, and not to get caught up and frustrated in the craziness and demands of life with many blessings.  I pray that God will soften my heart towards Mike's decision to close this chapter in our lives and respect him in his leadership of our family.  Yes people, I have been more than difficult to live with for months now.  Just when I think I am getting over the hurt, bitterness starts working itself back into my heart.  Those are the times that I really need to go lock myself in the closet and pray.  Does it happen?  No, I just get cranky and less than desirable to be around.  I am praying God will work these flaws out of my character and grow me into the wife and mother He wants me to be. 
I am far from perfect.  I am not the patient, organized, always having it all together person everyone thinks I am.  Just because I have a small army doesn't make me any more on top of things than any other mother out there.  My family sees me at my worst, but thank you God that they still love me... or I hope they do.  I have a lot of work to be done to get to where I am suppose to be. 
I know, Lissa, this isn't what you had in mind when you created this blog for me.  You were looking for the funny moments in life, but you are getting the real ones as well.  I pray each of you will be patient with me as I face this new chapter in life.  I look forward to sharing the joys as well as the sorrows, b/c I want to keep it real for all of us.  Life isn't perfect, but if we will give it over to God and ask His will to be done, we can handle the storms.
Love ya bunches!

1 comment:

mhsands said...

I like to hear all the stories (good, bad, sad, etc.). I certainly know what it is like not to be able to have more children... guess that is why you can never get rid of me... u have lots for me to spoil! LOL! You'll find your way, or the kids will pull you along kicking and screaming!